


Saving me

by showaces



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Crying, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Regeneration, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 11:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showaces/pseuds/showaces
Summary: Kenny is a mess because he's scared never staying dead, what happens when Butters' remembers Kenny dying.





	Saving me

**Author's Note:**

> Well this story is one big mess that I've been working on in between my university courses so if there's any parts that seem like words are missing I'm sorry.  
> Also this story is so much longer than I expected it to be wowie look at me go.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Death had been only thing on Kenny McCormick’s mind. Ever since elementary school when he died for the first time. The blond boy had always died in weird ways which normally ended in his corpse being eaten by wild animals and always with him waking up in his bed the following morning. It frustrated him. He wanted to know if he’d ever actually die or if he’d be cursed forever and live until the end of time. He’d been shot, stabbed, ripped in half, hit by every single vehicle in existence, poisoned, choked, pushed off high cliffs and building, fell down stairs, been blown up, and everything else imaginable. It made the young boy become reckless. All he wanted was to find a way to die and stay dead. It’s not that he wasn’t happy with this life, sure his financial status, house and family sucked, but he had one thing that brought him joy. His friends. They made him mostly feel happy, but he was scared. Scared that one day he’d be standing in front of their graves and not be able to join them in the afterlife. The constant thoughts of being left alone had caused the young boy to be extremely depressed in the process of experiencing multiple deaths that never got remembered. It left him believing that whatever god may or may not exist was cursing him to a life of torment and very little joy.  
“Kenny? Kenny? Kenny!”  
The blond boy jumped, turning his attention towards his good friend, Stan. “Oh shit, yeah what’s up?” He asked, laughing nervously.  
“Dude. You were zoned out; the bell already rang. We gotta go to class.” The boy states, handing Kenny his bag.  
Kenny quickly took his bag and headed down the mostly empty halls of the small town’s high school to their class. He was glad that the other didn’t ask what was on his mind, not like he’d talk about it anyway. He just wasn’t in the mood for conversation in general. He just wanted to be done with everything and go home.  
The two went and sat in their seats in the chemistry lab. Stan sitting next to his boyfriend Kyle, even though the two we’re open about their relationships Kenny had caught them making out in the boys changing room and got them to confess. He found it pretty sweet considering they’d been dating since middle school and still going strong. However, he was jealous of them, knowing they would grow old and die together. He probably wouldn’t get that with his crush and close friend, Butters. Who also happened to be sitting next to the only other open seat at the back of the classroom.  
“Hey Kenny!” The cheerful boy chirped, moving his books to allow space for Kenny’s stuff on the long table. “How are you today?”  
Kenny smiled at the other blond admiring his cheerfulness. “I mean I could be better.” He states, sitting down and getting out a small notebook and pen.  
Butters frowned, “Awe shucks, how about you come over after school and I’ll cheer ya up! Mom’s making chicken pot pie tonight and I know that’s your favourite.”  
Kenny chuckled softly at the shorter boy. “That sounds pretty chill. Let’s do that.” He says, a light blush creeping onto his face as the other smiled brightly and rambled about how happy he was. The dark blue-eyed boy only wished he could be as cheerful as Butter’s was.  
The day went on as usual, Kenny zoning in and out of his classes, hanging out with Cartman, Stan and Kyle at lunch, and then deciding to ditch his last class of the day. It was only gym so he didn’t care. He just huddled himself up in the boys change room sitting on top of his orange parka to provide a little bit of comfort as he played around with his knife flicking it open and closed. Pausing for a moment he looked down staring at his arms. To others they’d look as smooth as a newborn baby but to him he could see thousands of scars from all his past lives. That’s why he always covered up. Not to hide his scars from everyone else but from himself. He was disgusted by his own scars whether they were self inflicted or not.  
He slowly stood and moved over to stand front of a full-length mirror, taking in his appearance. Physically he was thin and tall standing at 5’8. His skin was extremely pale, his face covered in light freckles and shaggy dusty blond hair. What couldn’t be seen by others were the scars littered up his arms all the way to his shoulders. On his neck were a few marks from past suicide attempts. From slitting his throat to hanging himself. He flicked his knife open and closed a few times debating on just stabbing himself now so he can be done for the day. He pressed the tip of the blade against his neck, applying light pressure before remembering his conversation with Butters from his chemistry class.  
He dropped the blade to his side and groaned softly not wanting to disappoint Butters, but he still wanted to feel pain. Glancing at the clock on the wall he had 15 minutes before the change room would be filled again. He stepped over to the showers standing in one of the stalls before dragging the knife against his pale skin watching the blood quickly rising through the cut. He started at the blood feeling a little bit satisfied as he continued to cut his flesh open, some blood trickling down his arm. Once he felt completely satisfied with his self destruction he turned on the showers, hissing as some water splashed onto his fresh wounds and quickly cleaning off any evidence of his activities. As he shrugged on his parka the room filled back up with the boys done with their gym activities. Quickly he slipped out of the room unnoticed and made his way to Butters locker.  
“Hey.” He mumbles, leaning against the lockers. “Are ya ready to go?”  
Butters closed his locker and nodded. “Yeah, come on let’s go!” Butter’s responds, grabbing onto Kenny’s arm, causing the taller boy to hiss loudly. “Oh, did I hurt you?” He asked, letting go quickly staring at Kenny in concern.  
Kenny rubbed his arm gently. “It’s not your fault I just got hit by a ball really hard in gym and it still hurts.” He lied, praying that the shorter boy wouldn’t ask more questions.  
Butters stared up at Kenny for a moment. “Okay…” He mumbles, linking his pinky with Kenny’s and starting the walk towards his house. The two were silent during the walk home. Kenny just kept staring down at their joint fingers. The closeness made him happy and brought a small blush to his face. As the two walked in Butters announced Kenny’s presence asking his mom to make a place at the table for Kenny, to which she agreed to as long as Kenny was out of the house by nine o’clock.  
With that the boys ran upstairs to Butters room while they waited for supper to be ready. “Hey Kenny,” Butters starts sitting down on the bed, “I wasn’t quite understanding what the teacher was talking about in Chemistry today. Do you think you could help me out?”  
In all honesty Kenny had barely payed attention to the class, but he still agreed to try to help since the other boy looked so innocent and lost. He sat down on the edge of the bed and glanced at the textbook reading over the text as Butters rambled on about what he wasn’t understanding.  
“Okay so if I’m right basically you’d combine these two chemical properties to get that chemicals.” Kenny says, pointing to the different elements on the periotic table of elements. “It’s kinda like math in a way. Do you get it?”  
Butters stared at the pages mumbling to himself for a moment. “Yeah! I get it! Thanks Kenny!” Butters giggling, hugging taller boy tightly.  
Kenny smiled softly, patting Butters head. “Cute.” He mumbles under his breath as Butters mom called them down for supper not giving Butters a chance to ask Kenny what he said.  
The boys quickly ran down and sat and the table, gratefully eating the food. Kenny repeatedly thanking Butters mom for letting him come over and having supper with them. Once the two were done they went back upstairs to Butter’s room. Spending time to do some homework and spending the rest of their time playing videogames.  
Suddenly in the middle of the round Butters paused the game turning to look up at Kenny. “Look Kenny, there’s something I need to tell ya, but ya know I’m not good at words. So, uh…” He pauses for a moment before grabbing Kenny’s face and kissing him.  
Kenny’s eye’s widened as he tried to process what was happening. Butters, the guy he’s been crushing on since elementary school, was kissing him. Slowly Butters pulled away with a deep blush looking up at Kenny with innocent eyes. Still unable to form a sentence Kenny responded by tackling Butters to the ground and kissing him passionately.  
As the two pulled away Butters was the first to speak up. “Wow Kenny, I never knew you felt that way about me. It makes me feel all warm and giggly inside.” He says laughing softly.  
Kenny went to speak up, however a knock on the door interrupted their heartfelt moment. “Butters, it’s 8:50 Kenny should probably get heading home soon it’s snowing pretty bad outside.” Butters’ father says through the door.  
Butters stood up and opened the door, “Well if it’s snowing so bad, why can’t Kenny spend the night?” Butters asked with a slight whine in his voice.  
Butters’ father frowns, crossing his arms. “It’s a school night Kenny needs to go home bad weather or not. That’s finally.” He orders before leaving.  
Butters looked over at Kenny with a worried expression. “I really don’t want ya walking in this weather, it could be dangerous and I want you to get home safely.”  
Kenny looked down, biting his lip. He finally got to kiss Butters and now he knew what he had to do. It would erase Butters memories of most of the night, but that’s what he had to do to get home safely and not worry Butters half to death. He stood up and walked over to Butters, kissing him on the forehead. “I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.” He whispers, making his way to the bathroom. He kept ignoring Butters rambles of questions as he got into the bathtub, taking off his parka, heart dropping as he heard Butters gasp.  
“Kenny… Your arm.” The small boy whispers, with a pained expression.  
“It’s alright Butters, you won’t remember this by morning.” He says, taking his knife out of his bag. He laid down, not wanting to create too much of a mess for what he was about to do. He closed his eyes, trying to keep out the sound of Butters sobbing and persistent questions. “I’m sorry.” He whispers before slitting his throat and his world going silent.  
The sound of his alarm clock caused Kenny to awake with a jolt. Glancing around he was back at his shitty house in his shitty parka. Signing, he stood up going to the cracked mirror on the wall and took off the parka to observe his neck. There was a large scar where he had run his blade. It was quite dark and messy compared to the other scars, causing Kenny’s stomach to turn. He slipped the parka back on, grabbing his bag and getting on the bus. On the way to the school he reflected on what happened last night, heart dropping as he knew Butter’s probably wouldn’t remember their kiss. As he arrived at the school he saw Butters sitting outside on one of the benches, it looked as if he hadn’t slept well since there were bags under his eyes. Stan and Kyle were sitting next to him, talking to him as if trying to cheer him up  
Slowly Kenny made his way over to the trio, placing his hand on Butters head. “Whats up Butterdscup?” He asked, laughing at his own pun. He stopped as he looked down at Butters who was now pale as a ghost and eyes wide, “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
With that Butters’ grabbed onto Kenny’s wrist dragging him inside the building and pulling him into the nearest boy’s bathroom, looking around seeing if anyone else was in there before locking the main door.  
“Jacket. Off. Now.” Butters orders, crossing his arms over his chest.  
Kenny laughed slightly. “What?”  
Butters groaned. “Jacket off!” He orders, starting to try to remove Kenny’s jacket for him.  
“Whoa, Butters, at least by me dinner first.” Kenny teases with a little smirk and wink.  
“I’m not fucking around McCormick! I watched you slit your throat in my bathtub last night!” The small boy yelled, tears streaming down his face. “And now you’re here. How? How is that possible?”  
Kenny stared down at Butters for a moment before removing his jacket. “If you can see what I see I’ll explain what I know.” He whispers, looking at Butters with fear in his eyes.  
The small blond looked over a soft sob escaping his mouth. “Kenny… You’re covered in scars.” He whispers, confirming the taller boys fears as Butter’s reached out to touch the long dark scar on Kenny’s neck. “Does it hurt?”  
Kenny shook his head. “No, they’re all healed so it just feels fine. More importantly, how do you remember this? I die almost everyday and no one remembers. There’re more tombstones with my name on it that residence in this shit town so why does no one remember my deaths but here you are. And you can see what no one else but me can. How?”  
Butters took a long pause, getting up on the tips of his toes, grabbing on to Kenny’s face. “Look into my eyes.” He whispers, “What do you see?”  
Kenny took a moment staring at Butters face, observing ever detail before noticing it. A long thin scar going down his left eye. “The scar… That’s from when we were kids, you got stabbed in the eye with one of the ninja scars, but wait how? You should have gone blind in that eye.”  
Butters stopped Kenny’s rambling with a soft kiss. “Kenny please shut up for a minute.” He says with a soft laugh. “I died that night. The infection was really bad that it somehow got to my brain and I had a seizure and fell down the stairs and cracked my skull open. The next morning, I woke up in my bed and no one remembered the incident.”  
Kenny’s eyes widened. “You have the restart ability, at least that’s what I’ve been calling it.” He pauses for a moment, sitting down on the floor. “I’ve been dying over and over again since elementary school. I’ve been trying to find a way to stay dead.” He says, tears starting to fall. “I’m scared of growing older and having everyone else around me die and I’ll still be here all alone.” He whispers, crying into his arms.  
“Kenny, you’re not alone anymore. I have the same thing too, and I was scared too. But we’re in this together.” Butters says, sitting next to Kenny and taking the tall blonde’s hand into his own. “Okay. So please don’t cry and please don’t hurt yourself anymore okay. No more deaths on purpose.” He whispers, wiping Kenny’s tears away with his free hand.  
Kenny smiled softly at the smaller boy leaning into his touch. “Thank you Butters.” He whispers, leaning over and kissing him softly, and for once Kenny actually felt at peace.


End file.
